Tampon dispensers

Sorry boys, this one may not be for you, but I promise it won't be gross!

So about a month ago, I'm enjoying a lesiurely day at the mall when I feel an all too familiar twinge in my stomach. I scurry to the nearest bathroom I can find and open my purse to retrieve my tampon wallet. (Yes ladies, these actually exist, and I highly recommend them.) Empty. Darn! I'm kicking myself for not being more prepared when I look up and there on the wall is a tampon dispenser. Relief!

Now, I've never actually used a tampon dispenser before, but in theory, I've used a coke machine, a gumball machine, and a pez dispenser, so I deduce that this should be a piece of cake. I pull out a quarter, put it in the slot, and turn the handle. Jammed! Now what? I continue to fiddle with the handle for a bit, and by this time a small line has formed for the bathroom. Great...an audience. I glance up at my viewers and wonder why no one has been nice enough to just offer me a tampon. Judging by their ages, I'm doubting the possibility that all of them have hit menopause or ditched their uteruses.

It's then that I realize the problem...the tampon dispenser is mounted right next to the infamous condom dispenser. With me standing in front of the dispensers, there is no way for these women to know if I'm trying to get a tampon or a condom. I feel my face getting hot. How embarrassing! I mean, seriously, does anybody even use those condom dispensers?!

Too flushed and mortified to just turn around and ask somebody for a tampon, I decide to give it another go. I slip a second quarter into the slot, say a little prayer and carefully turn the handle. Victory! Not one, but two tampons are dispensed. I retrieve the tampons and as I walk to the back of the line I hold them out a bit so the peanut gallery can see...ya know, just so there's no confusion.

Moral of the story...Number one: Always keep your tampon wallet stocked.....Number two: Ladies, next time you see a girl fidgeting with the dispenser in the bathroom, put the poor thing out of her misery and just offer her a tampon.